Dear miss know it all:

Ok so this is basically just a rant. I am in a new school with new friends who are were kinda my only friends and my crush is also at the school. He is in about 50% of my classes. I have liked him since year 6. At the start of class me and my friends were just chatting and then one of them says "who likes (my crushes name)" and ofc I say "me!" But it came out a little more louder and energetic then I had hoped and my crush was just there only a tiny bit away so then I worried if he heard me. Then my other friend responded "you like him?! We have always thought he was annoying" so I said back "no.. I mean yes but I don't like-like him" (that was a lie ofc, I did like-like him) then my friends all sighed and were like "that's good". My heart hurt a little bit for the rest of the lesson but I did not really know why. A couple days later we were in a different class and my crush was my learning partner and my friends were sitting at the same table also. Halfway through the lesson my friends and my crush got into a fight. My friends were saying something about him having no friends which made him look around to see if any of his friends were there so he could prove them wrong. Ofc this was very awkward for me having to choose what side I was on. I remember saying to my crush "oh, but I'm your friend though right?" He replied back "Ofc! Your the best nemmypem." (ofc that is not my real name just so you know) And as he said that to me I just had this stupid swooning smile on my face that I could not get rid of even though I wanted to because I was getting so embarrassed that I was blushing professionally. Then I see my friends across the table and let me just say, I will never forget the looks on their faces. They were giving me that "omg I am so mad and weirded out by you even though I know I should be supporting your relationship getting stronger even if I don't like that guy" kinda look and it made me think, maybe I can't do this or my friendship will fade away and that's bad cause they are basically my only friends who I get to hang out with everyday. I am scared that they will realize I like him and be so grossed out that they don't want to be friends anymore. And... Let's be real, it's so obvious I like him. So can you pls give me a little advice because I am clueless right now!!!